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Jad spews liquorice and self-destruction (boom) [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | ... Poor Imagination ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

HURH [08 May 2004|10:32pm]
[ mood | HURH ]



Feeder Goldfish

Battle Rating

Mattis was purchased at a national chain Pet Super-Store

Can your fishy beat Mattis ?





Battle Rating

greujyhrdgfkuyh was born to human parents

Can your fishy beat greujyhrdgfkuyh ?

8 echoes| shout out loud

[08 May 2004|07:29pm]
[ mood | Good hey hey :3 ]

Nice, huh?

Anyways, Organism 12 is cool. Desperately tried to figure out a word I was searching in my head for (comissions) with his song 'karlakarl' in my headphones. I promise you, goddamnit, I couldn't figure it out since his wonderful lines just drenched my thoughts. Swedish rap at its best. Timbuktu and Promoe and Organism 12 (or is that song maybe frondas? don't think so.) Fronda am winnar to, I believe. need to hear some more.


Umm.. Yeah. And I own a pair of neon-orange suspenders. I own. :3

And I miss Linnéa. Goddamnit. Everytime I feel well (sunshine, birds singing, green green green everywhere, etcetera and so on) I think of how it would be even more wonderful to be with her , D,..

I guess it's one week more and then boom. Yay. :3

5 echoes| shout out loud

Stolen from .. Mirre and others [05 May 2004|06:26pm]
[ mood | Somethingelse ]

Name four bad habits you have:
1. Never doing anything
2. Not showering when I should
3. Staying up late (doing nothing)
4. Sometimes despising myself

Name four things that you wish you had:
1. Linnéa forever.
2. A feedable ego/confidence
3. Money, clothing
4. A normal brain

Name four scents you love:
1. Syrén (whatever it is in english) and spring flowers in general
2. Rain
3. Linnéas hair
4. Cinnamon

Name four things you'd never wear:
1. High heels XD I'm not all that gay.
2. Blue jeans. (ARGH)
3. Normal ugly running shoes
4. Green things.

Name four things you are thinking about right now:
1. I need to get a haircut
2. I need to stop being afraid of LJ
3. I need to update my site
4. I have to hurry if Im gonna be in time to the training with maria tonight and I hope I don't have to pay.

Name four things that you have done today:
1. Done pre-stuff for the national tests in english
2. Math too.
3. Enjoyed springtime and sunshine
4. Not done anything I really should (do I ever?)

Name the last four things you have bought:
1. A 'donken' (McDonalds) icecream for henke's money
2. Rubber bracelet .. things.
3. I have no money, kay?

Name four people you would like to spend more time with
1. Linnéa ; w;
2. Basse (okay, so I've met him but still), Lina, Erica, Lysse, Samuel
3. Of course, the people who live near me too.
4. Malin and Cajsa from my old class.

Name four bands/groups most people don't know you like:
1. I'm too boring. I only like the things everybody know that I like. e De
3. ... If I have toooooooo... Umm.. Nah. Everbody still could guess that I really like sakurasaku from Love Hina

Name four drinks you regularly drink:
1. Tea (every morning)
2. O'Boy (when I dont have tea)
3. Lemonade (It's the right season)
4. My own saliva. No, really.. Coke.. And Hallonsoda. (at school)

Name the last four films you watched:
1. Umm.. Matulda & Megasen (HANS ARNOLD :D)
2. Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill
3. Le Fabuleux Destine d' Amélie Poulain
4. Big Fish

1 echo| shout out loud

Umm.. [05 May 2004|06:24pm]
[ mood | ljscaresme ]

õ _ o



1 echo| shout out loud

e ...e [03 May 2004|10:56am]
[ mood | . D.? .D .;; ]

FRUiTS are nice and I feel like I'm just gonna be copying Linnéa in everything she does just because I want to be a little fruitsy too.

Why is that? Come on, I even discovered fruits before she did, it has always been a kind of inspiration for me.

... And that made me sound like a goddamn 'IwasfirstIwasbestIneedtocompetewithmyowngirlfriend'

I need to explode into a cascade of lime-green aquilegia vulgarical petals sometimes, I really do.

Anyways, SWEAR must make the goddamn coolest shoes evar. I mean like evar. Or at least weirdest shoes ever. Heh. Alternative for real. :3

They even own New Rock in madness.

Umm.. Heh.

So me and Tony went to meet Basse and MK (a guy with hair that is blonde and is cute) and we met with Dra_-daniel and ... let's call him A17. DBSE-people all of them, justsoyaknow.

We had a good time and Basse showed me that I needed to buy a record from the something-music-maker(s?) "Forss" that .. make(s?) cool mindfuck-electronic-sequencerbitch jazzfunkysomething. Listened to their record at Mega record store. Hah. Needtobuyit. Do.

So anyways, spent the day with basse later, went home to him and .. I discovered that I really DO need to design my own outfit for my final exams when I'm 18 and the world will explode and everything like that. Good thing that I have time. Hurh. (I think I'm copying my beloved on this point too .. Umm.. Yes. I am. But for once, let's fucking call it inspiration.)

And we watched Eddie Izzard. See him. Taste him. Love him. You have too.

I'm silently watching Linnéa grow beautiful. Actually, it seems quite sentimental, but it isn't. It's just about looks and clothing and accessories, really. I just want to be at her side right now.

Oh, and no REAL envy in that. I'm looking quite good too. Have to buy some colorful tops.

(and if you ever find a place where I can buy myself a pair of baggy Orange/Lime/Cyan/Magenta/Neon) .. trousaars, shorts or anything in between, TELLME.

... And, as we're ranting about clothes, I want and i WANT (Little 'i' to emphasize.) Basse's goddamn shoes. ò Öó His skate-shoes and my striped socks was pure cubercut(e)age. WANT.

And his boot-shoe-things was just plain and pure ... GOTHIC LOLITA (but boy) on me. SEXINESS ON MY FEET.

Basse, if you ever read this, I SINCERELY HATE YOU ; ^; *looks at black nikes* > ___>

Damn world.

Anyways, My mood is indescribable but probably good. Computers scare the shit out of me, so don't expect me to be close to them anytime, since I avoid it if I can. Right now I felt that I had to fuckaround abit with LJ, though. Read things and ... something. e _e;

And probably compare Linnéas life to mine or something, but it's just because I need to learn how to stop.

Feels like I'm learning.

Sent in a paper for (jobbansökan) .. (lookforjobsandstuff) for bad lowpayment jobs that my (kommun) (something)-area will fix for me. Let's hope that I get one. Maybe I'll get to work at a daycarewhateverit'scalled. That would be fun. :) I love children. . D. *eatskids*



. D.

shout out loud

Nothingtosaynothingtodo [26 Apr 2004|09:48pm]
Spoke with Linnéa yesterday. I mean, goddamnit, I was on tour from wednesday to sunday and managed to be with Linnéa for some of the time and I just felt so well and then I came home and logged onto MSN and just .. spew some hate over myself in a conversation with Linnéa and .. Well..

You can read the previous entries on this livejournal if you want to understand. It's nothing different. I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable speaking about my mind and stuff with Linnéa on an open blog. Doesn't feel good.

So, on another note, I'm feeling pretty well right now. I mean, not like I'm all "WHAY, LIFE ROCKS" or anything but I feel like I can manage to get ahead without any angsty outbursts in the near future. And the less, the merrier, I promise.

And Linnéa, yesterday, before I got to bed, I kind of realized. Of course the truth is what I see when I feel well. And I'm good. I am.

It's just that I almost always somehow seem to change drastically in a conversation with you, especially in front of a computer. I promise, in the future, I'll try and log off before I say something bad. If we are to have these kinds of conversations, they are to be had in real life.


Oh, and I want to be more with Linnéa.

Oh, and Linnéa again! You know the white-red converse-ish shoes we saw in blue fox' display window? They are about 560 for a pair and they do exist in your size. X3

And I found a pair of NICE skate-shoes. I mean, Nice. They had ska-checkers all over and was black in the front. And the brand was BUFFALO > D< I would've been SO goddamn cool in them. I think they cost about .. Lots.

And besides, they only existed up to size 42. e _e (that's UK 7 or 8, I believe) SUCKAGE. Two sizes up and I've had been able to wear them.

I have 720 kr/sek in my gotolinnéa-wallet. If I keep all my money for next time, maybe I'll be able to buy a pair of rave-pants. Oh the happiness. I'm seriously thinking of it. I'll speak to Linnéa first to see how we're gonna do with going to each other and so. :|

Anyways. I think I'm going to log off now to avoid experiencing any angsty rushes before bedtime. I'll probably try and draw a little.

shout out loud

SNATCH SNATCH [19 Apr 2004|10:36pm]
[ mood | calm ]



(X) I've never been drunk
(X) I've never smoked pot
(_) I've never kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) I've never kissed a member of the same sex (sexually)
(X) I've never crashed a friends car
(_) I've never ridden in a taxi
(X) I've never had anal sex
(_) I've never been in love
(_) I've never had sex
(X) I've never had sex in public
(X) I've never been dumped
(X) I've never shoplifted
(X) I've never been fired
(X) I've never been in a fist fight
(X) I've never had a threesome
(X) I never snuck out of my parents house
(X) I've never been tied up (sexually)
(_) I've never been caught masturbating > 0>
(_) I've never pissed on myself
(X) I've never had sex with a member of the same sex
(_) I've never had sex with a member of the opposite sex
(X) I've never been arrested
(X) I've never made out with a stranger
(X) I've never stolen something from my job
(X) I've never celebrated the New Year in Times Square
(X) I've never gone on a blind date
(_) I've never lied to a friend
(X) I've never had a crush on a teacher
(X) I've never celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans
(_) I've never been to Europe
(_) I never skipped school
(X) I've never slept with a co-worker
(X) I've never been fisted or fisted someone else. One finger, two fingers, well, maybe three occosionally, but that doesn't count as fisting. DOES IT? > D<
(X) I've never thrown up in a bar
(X) I've never lied in order to have sex with someone
(X) I've never jerked off on cam.
(X) I've never worn clothing of the opposite sex while having sex
(X) I've never had sex with a midget
(X) I've never used a sex toy to get off
(X) I've never had sex in a moving vehicle
(X) I've never had a sexual fling with a crush.
(X) I have never had sex in a fursuit


1 echo| shout out loud

Linnéa is gone again - 0- [18 Apr 2004|07:36pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

... Even though I had a lovely time with her. And Olle. And Lina. (I will miss you too ; ^;)


UmmsinceIhavenothingtodowhichisn'tallthatrare, I'll just do a quizanswerthesecoolquestions-thing I snatched from Sarah~

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:

(There is none. Page is blank. Hah.)

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:

A crappy speaker at my dads comp

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:

Le fabuleux destine d' Amelie Poulain on video with my family.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:


5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:

19:40 .. Damn. > ^<

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:

The com.. -ahem- My dad shouting 'Mattis, det är käk'

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:

.. A couple of hors ago. I took my dog for a walk and played with an oversized stick

8: What are you wearing?:

Armlet things, a black buttoned shirt (open), Plain black T-shirt under, half-baggy H&M black pants and a checkered-pattern-belt. And socks. And black boxers with a white waistband. And a bike-chain-style-key-chain with keys and a little mini-picture-book about kittens attached to it. (Pjätt?)

10: Did you dream last night?

Yup. Was about Linnéa going home. And weird stuff.

11: When did you last laugh?

Probably the last time I told someone a joke. No, wait, it was when I was fake-arguing about women's superiority with my mother.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:

Two lamps.

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
naw, only 4chan.org stuff

14: What do you think of this quiz?:

It's pretty nice. Actually, there's some really nice questions in it. Which amkes it quite different from all those 'write the name of your dog/pet cockroach/dustball and other info about yourself that we already know'

15: What is the last film you saw?:

.. As I said: Le Fabuleux Destine d' Amelie Poulain

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:

A pair of enourmous headphones and a personal tailor.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:

At the age 13, I was an aspiring wicca-freak :0

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:

Make myself a personal dimension which I had full control of > w<

19: Do you like to dance?:

Would if I could~

20: George Bush:

Georg Buske

21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:


21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:


22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:

Well, I would EVER. But not now.

Anyways. We went to an art gallry in sthlm where Hans Arnold, who is a great artist who has illustrated various books since before the day I was born, and I, Linnéa, Olle and Lina all really like him, so we went there. Lina and Linnéa had tried to get to meet him in person for the two days before, so I went there with them the third day, and w00t. He was there. :3~

So we had a nice chat with him, got a signed card, so did Linnéa. Olle got his (yellow) wallet signed, Lina got her cap signed. X3~ And Tony (who was with us) got a signed card too. Hmm. :3

And .. Met Karen. And Göhan. I lovem to. Mrrh.Canwrite.


1 echo| shout out loud

Mrfg. [12 Apr 2004|01:13pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Sarah's dad just called me and asked for Karen's phone number.

And I gave it to him. I just hope it won't make Sarah any harm. . _.

He didn't get her cell phone number, though. That'd have been going a bit too far for my taste.

And I was going to try and call Karen and Sarah before he had the chance too, but it seems he got first. Gyah.

Damn. Uh.

1 echo| shout out loud

Ungh. [06 Apr 2004|12:47pm]

Feelingweird. WeatherisBAD and I have no motivation and I've been stuck in front of the fucking comp for the whole day and I HATE it here.

I don't like it at home I want to go somewhere else and I want to be able to draw.

The things I want to draw.


1 echo| shout out loud

Fffm. Ffm. Mmrg. Hh. Ff.. FUUUCK~~~ [01 Apr 2004|04:59pm]
[ mood | WHATHEFKUC ]


Itlooks like t heflights to umeå won't take me in damn. I mean no standby availabilitytomorrow.

. _.

I hopeIcan go tonight.

(don't worry about my fucked spelling. I'm just trying to type in the same style as the picture. It's not like it's anything else. Except for that I'm angry with the world. Rar.)

shout out loud

I have been feeling quite well. [23 Mar 2004|10:37am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Though now I'm a bit more apathetic. Luckily, I'm not completely down. Yet. :3;

Lke this: Just read that I apparently can't visit Linnéa the coming weekend. I mean;


(without questionmark, it's more like a statement)

I mean, we almost NEVER get to see each other, our (first) spring breaks was different, her delayed one week compared to mine. We checked with the easter spring break and realized that it was the same (same as in different, too). (less time to be in love > .>; ) And now this. Seems to be a little mayhem at Linnéa's place right now with no bathroom and shower and stuff. (stuff)

So. I'm thinking of maybe somehow paying her to come down here instead.


Because the next weekend, I'll be at our summerplace, celebrating easter and things. I guess.

Or wait, Am I? Nyaah. This is w.13. Next week will be w. 14. easter is the weekend for w.15.

YAY. > _> So MAYBE I can see her in .. .. .. .. .. .. two weeks. Yippie.

... I need food. > ^

1 echo| shout out loud

SUNSHINE [18 Mar 2004|10:16pm]
[ mood | content ]

@ w@


Actually, the weather today made me happy.

And .. I gut the tumme out of my ruev and actually drew something.

A Màna for Linah!



shout out loud

I am feeling all right. [17 Mar 2004|06:28pm]
[ mood | anti-busy (am I ever busy?) ]

- Hello, I said, I happen to have found myself accidentally self-placed under the bottom of your sole, I'm sorry, you can remove me if you like.
And she kissed me as I was just going to shrink myself into a nothingness.

I don't understand.



...When I think about it, I should really get a haircut. I mean, like, people need to see the red hair I have yet to reveal with colour. People have yet to see the me I am still searching for.

...When I think about it, I should see Olle someday. The best way to keep a best friend is to be a best friend.

How many days have passed since Linnéa left? Actually, I'm trying to think, but I simply can't. Was it two weekends or one? Just one, I think. Right? That must've been the longest week ever.

Oh, Damn, we're going to view the short movie I made with my classmates tomorrow. I'm going to leave the room. I am. I can stand the comments afterwards, but this is the absolutely worst thing I've done in forever.

I know I can be a good actor, but this was just so .. tragic. Or is.

Damn, I need to do something that I can be PROUD of. I haven't been the least proud of myself in forever.

Didn't screw things up with school today. That was good. Thought about my envy and that today. Without transforming into scissorheart for the rest of the day. Good.

I miss Linnéa. I do, I do.

Kung fu training yesterday was teh suck. I mean, really.

I was in bad shape x10 > _> Really. I should try to sleep at nights. That might help.

'Det känns som nån kunde skicka ett bra förslag
ett telefonsamtal som gör att jag blir glad
men jag är blyg inför ämnet; därför ger jag mig av
jag simulerar ett skäl för att slippa alla krav'

That was the daily bob hund.

I need a dose of linnéa right now. And I want to just drown in her-ness. And I need some maybe soothing, but maybe just; words. From her. Or, if she reads this: From you. I would make one of those cute smiley-hearts if I was feeling the least cheerful. But right now I'm just feeling; Well. And that may be enough for now. I love you. Call me?

Anything else to tell you about? I haven't been drawing lately, so don't expect anything. :3; I'm trying to work on my site, but when I see how little/few pictures I really feel like showing, well.. Anyways, I'm trying to put up a temp-gallery with five (!(irony)) pictures. XD; Just as a .. teaser or something. And so I can get my damn site online so you can applaud me. AND I'LL NEVER GET A GUESTBOOK! Because there aren't any room for a 'guestbook' option in the menu.

And ..

I want liquorice.

Liquorice-o-meter: ---------
Selfdestruct-o-meter: **-------- (BOOM)
Linnéa-o-meter: ---------- ; 0;
Beautifulsky-o-meter: *****-----

shout out loud

Uniform Envy [15 Mar 2004|11:12pm]
[ mood | Envious but okay. ]

Edit: I messed up on this one, read Linnéas entries (yes, just her LIFE and her small accomplishments make me envious) and hit myself in the face several times, then decided that I was going to write out my deepest and worst thoughts in public, then realized that THAT maybe wasn't the BEST of ideas, so let's see if I can write about ME being ME. (how easy is that when you compare yourself to an imaginary version of your own girlfriend all the fucking time?)

School sucks. Not school-work, mind you. As long as Linnéa has her school, I'm never gonna call what my school lays on me 'pressure'. Okay. So school sucks anyway. Or, it's the social part. I don't wanna be social in school, I want to concentrate on doing school things. Blah.

Met up with basse last weekend. That was really nice. I just can't understand why I'm still not feeling all well. I was allright last weekend. And I had a wonderful time with Linnéa when she was here. I thought I had stopped this comparing thing, at least a LITTLE, but it seems that just the fact that she has drawn some things make me completely fucked. Please don't ask for an explanations, I'm excusing myself with that it's something deeper that I can't really understand and that .. It's natural to be a little envious when your girlfriend's drawings look like a pro's. (But why can't it just make me HAPPY? I hate myself.)

I miss linnéa. I miss the flesh-and-blood version of her. I miss the feeling of equal-ness. I miss the feeling of the one I envy so much that I shrink myself actually loving me.

Because what I feel right now isn't love. It's egoistic envy and anger towards myself. I mean, don't get scared, it's not that I don't love her, that would be ridicuous, it's that I can't feel it at the same as I feel all those other fucked up feelings.

And I miss it.

So much that I could cry. (mattis-boys do cry.)

My head is broken. Can somebody; anybody cure it?

3 echoes| shout out loud

Nothing new. [12 Mar 2004|11:48am]
[ mood | up down up down up up up ]

I just thought i'd inform you all about that. I'm sure you all appreciate it.

Linnéa and I have different Easter Holiday breaks. She the week after Easter holiday and me the one before. Damn.

I'm a bit envious again, but I guess it's okay. I mean, I've had problems with that before, so it's not like it's something new, it's not as bad as it have been before, and besides, who wouldn't get envious of her new pictures? They're goddamn incredible. ;<

AND I haven't produced anything good myself for like .. forever. She tells me it's an artist block, but I like to blame it all on myself. Like, laziness or something. Besides, I'm envious of your ideas. I've actually thought of using acrylic white as a highlighting colour, but I'd never like, do it. I think. And then you get the things I want and do the things I've thought of, and then, when I want to do it, I feel like a goddamn ripoff.

I mean, come on. I'm copying you. When you started to do comissions, I started too. Everything you do well, I try to do too. > _>; It has come to the point where I can't make a difference between the cases in which I'm playing a copycat or the cases where we're just 'accidentally' doing the same thing.

.. But then, how come you always get the good ideas or the things or the nice offers before I do? *SULKS*

... Don't feel sorry for me now, people. I'm just writing out my feelings, I'm certainly not justifing them. Don't tell me to change myself, because I'm already inside the process. It's going forward, I hope.

At least it feels like it.

... By the way, I miss you. Your real self. And being home sucks, I don't like it at home.


THE SUN HAS BEEN SHINING! I HAVE some ideas and a little inpiration, it's just that I have a huge problem with motivation. But .. Still. The summer will come this year too. I love Linnéa.

shout out loud

No cookeeh. [08 Mar 2004|01:29pm]
[ mood | Loonely. ]

; 0;

And I miss her so. Nrrw.

shout out loud

Myeh. [02 Mar 2004|10:23am]
[ mood | hungry ]

Self-confidence jumping both up and down but I actually feel quite well. Talked with Linnéa yesterday. Was nice. Want thursday. Hope that she'll get with the flight.

She probably won't with our fucking luck.

Eh, whatever anyways. Life is boring, I want Linnéa. Period.

shout out loud

KWOK [29 Feb 2004|05:57pm]
[ mood | Swedish ]

e _e

I never do these, so well.

I feel kinda reborn! :D

glass heart
Heart of Glass

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

*COUGH COUGH* Very not me. That's just because there is no 'scissorheart'.

I need to get a goddamn haircut so I can feel good and look good and feel like someone. Heheh.



Jag har slipat hyllor idag. Och lackat. Och nu ska jag slipa och lacka igen. Så jag får hyllor till rummet.

Det ska bli trevligt.

... Det blev uppskjutet att jag och Linnéa skulle träffas - till på torsdag. Jag tog det rätt bra. Eheh.

På fredagkvällen.

Lördag kväll hade jag lite psykiskt ont i magen. Men det värsta kom efter att jag slutat prata med Linnéa så det jobbigaste slapp gå ut över henne. Jag känner mig som ett helgon. (speciellt med tanke på att hon fick stå ut med nog av min galla ändå)

Nä, just nu mår jag rätt bra. Solen sken en massa idag. Det är värt att leva.

.. Och jag vill prata lite mer med dig idag. Prataprataprata. Okej, jag skulle vilja träffas och vara lite lycklig, men det går liksom inte, så jag vill gärna prata lite med dig om det går.

shout out loud

Updating because of just wanting to keep my LJ alive. [22 Feb 2004|10:53pm]
To chew on your picketfence.

Had a nice time with Basse and c.o. Shaolin Soccer is the coolest evar and me and basse have the best imagination.

And that's it.

Linnéa is still not around and that kills me kille me kills me kills me kills me kills me kiss me.

If her lip piercing means no kissing I'm gonna hate that piercing forever.

And by the way, noone recognizes me anymore, I'm not the super-ego I used to be, I don't have the energy and somehow I've lost all of my personality somewhere, probably where I lost my last pair of fingerless gloves, two pairs of normal gloves that I have borrowed from my parents and the two hats I've worn this winter.

I'm an expert at throwing things away, and when I don't throw them, I lose them.

Should make comissions for people at gaia. I try to be liked. I try to show that 'look at me, I'm worth something.'

.. .. but in the end, I'm just imitating Linnéa. :3

YAY COPYCAT PUPPET! *throws himself into a wall, squealing happily*
shout out loud

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